Anger - The Solution

EVALUATE THE ANGER:

Anger is one of my ten basic, God-given emotions. This emotion can be CONSTRUCTIVE or DESTRUCTIVE—depending upon my response. The focus of this group is on giving Jesus a “NANO SECOND” (just one billionth of a second!), to help me use all of my emotions according to God’s design, for my life, and to appropriately change my pattern of relating to my responsibilities and to other people.

It is both healthy and necessary to feel anger and to talk about my anger. I should recognize anger as my own emotion and avoid hurting the objects of my anger— keeping my anger as a feeling not an action. Looking at anger as a feeling may also reveal a larger hurt, habit or hang up that is hiding behind the anger. It is what I do with my feelings that will allow me to fall into sin. I need to check the motives for my behavior. Rudeness under the disguise of being honest is still rudeness.

There are two kinds of anger: healthy adaptive anger and unhealthy needless anger. Healthy anger is based on being protective of myself or others. Unhealthy needless anger is based on my resentment which leads to desiring revenge. Recognizing and accepting my responsibility for unhealthy needless anger is the first step towards true freedom from anger.

DAILY QUIET TIME WITH GOD:

Anger causes me to live in conflict and not in peace. I will try to remember that God is in charge of my life and He loves me unconditionally. I will commit to having a daily quiet time with God.

TAKING A “TIME-OUT”:

When I feel body arousal, I need to recognize that as a sign that I am getting angry. I will use a “time-out” to isolate myself from the trigger for my anger and to prevent the anger from becoming too intense. I will ask myself, “What is making me angry? And “How is this trigger about me?” I will reappraise the situation to keep my behavior under control. I will do something physical to release the adrenaline rush and energy in a healthy way, such as going for a walk or cleaning a closet. I will avoid alcohol, caffeine, or other medicating substances during “time-out.” Looking at anger as a feeling may also reveal a larger hurt, habit or hang up that is hiding behind the anger.

CONFRONTING IN LOVE:

After the time-out, I will go back and deal with what made me angry. If I leave an issue unresolved, it is likely to return later. I will not use the confrontation as an opportunity to blame, shame, seek revenge, or to rationalize my anger. Examples of confronting in love while stating my feelings are: “I love you, here’s how this action makes me feel,” or “I feel devalued when this is said or done.”

WORK THE 12 STEPS AND CONNECT WITH OTHERS:

I will commit to working the 12 Steps, to attend regularly the Celebrate Recovery meetings, and to getting an Accountability Partner for my anger management. (We strongly suggest each woman obtain a Life Recovery Bible and the Participant’s Guides, which are the tools we use in Celebrate Recovery.)

FORGIVE:

I will become willing to forgive myself and others. The Lord forgave you, so you must be willing to forgive others (Colossians 3: 13b NLT). Forgiveness is NOT forgetting what has happened. Forgiveness IS changing the way I think. Forgiveness IS my giving up my desire for revenge.

Anger - The Problem

As women who struggle with anger, we may not recognize that our anger has foundations in other basic emotions—usually fear or pain. These basic emotions may have become damaged as adults or when we were children. Some of us may have been abused or neglected as children. Others may have lost a parent or a loved one by their death. Many of us may have been abused or cheated on by a spouse or boyfriend.

We may have learned how to express anger inappropriately from our parents, other relatives, or friends. We did not realize that when we lashed out in anger, we were ignoring our fear, pain, or another deeper hurt, habit or hang-up. Others of us did not even realize we were struggling with anger because we did not express it, but rather, we stuffed it down and kept silent.

As our lives and relationships progressed we may have become addicted to the physical symptoms of anger. Some of us may have felt a momentary euphoria as the anger was released. Some of us did not recognize we were actually hurting our loved ones and ourselves in the process. In the heat of the moment, releasing our anger was all that mattered.

Some of us felt our anger was justified based on the object of anger’s actions, i.e., “If he hadn’t come home late from work, I wouldn’t have had to yell at him” or “If she had not talked back to me, I would not have had to slap her” or “My husband deserves me calling him names, yelling and fighting because he cheated on me.”

Many of us feel intense shame and guilt over the actions that we have committed during our unhealthy expressions of anger. We have vowed to never act that way again, only to find ourselves back in the same situations, unable to change it under our own power. Anger has confused us and gotten the better of us time and time again.

Some of us did not understand that anger is a God given emotion and that we could use it in healthy, productive ways. Being angry meant that we were bad, somehow faulty; even that we were not Christians. We have allowed our shame and guilt to create the false belief that we could not turn to God for his comfort, strength and guidance. We did not feel worthy of His help or love. We remained stuck in using anger as a coping mechanism and to get the desired results from others.

Frustrated!!!!

I am so very frustrated at this moment. My ex- husband's wife purchased a home and my ex-husband cannot even pay child support. He claims he does not work much but when his children call him or with him he is working! They are so superficial and pathetic when it comes to parenting and doing what is good for my children.

UGGGGHHH.......................

He does not like the parenting plan so he says he has an attorny that is putting paperwork together to change it.
He thinks he will have the boys all of July. Our parenting plan states every other weekend and that is what he is going to get. Since he is "working" all the time, the boys end up staying at a babysitter why should he have them for an entire month? I am a SAHMmy work is my children why should I let them hang out play video games all day, eat poorly drink pop and do whatever they want!

OMG!!! I just cannot stand all of this. The house they supposedly purchased is 45 minutes from here the boys are going to have there own room.. oh goodie! for 26 weekends of the year and a few holidays they gt there own room, fancy brand new gap clothes, a dog, a bib backyard and a bunch of video games/ DS.

Here they get that they need and we work hard for it with NO help from him, NO child support, NO medical, NO co-pays, NO assistance for his child's ADHD medication. Child support is more than just money how about a call every once in awhile and get to know what is going on in there life. A call just to say hello and let them know he is thinking about them. But he cannot even do that. He is too busy hanging out in bars drinking, going to concerts, partying and who knows what.

I am so angry with his choices and priorities.

I am so frustrated with him and his my **** does not stink attitude.

GRRRRRR.....

Why do I even care about this man who lives with his mother cannot hold a full time jobis married for the third time cannot keep his pants on LIAR!

(DEEP BREATH)

OKay I feel a little better. I am hanging out with the boys this afternoon just as I said I was going to.

Until next time ;)

Choice #1- Choosing reality & admitting your need

Realize I am not God. I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable.

• I cannot do it all
• I cannot do any of it alone
• I am powerless to control

Proverbs 14:12 There is a way that seems right to a man but in the end it leads to death.

John Baker states in Life's Healing Choices that this verse lets us know we cannot trust our human nature to lead us out of our problems. Left on its own our sin nature will tend to do wrong desire to be God and try to play God.

Paul states exactly how I feel in Romans 7:15-17:

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.

Romans 7:21-23

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.

Even David felt it too in Psalms 32:3

When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long

The book illustrates this frustration very well on page 19 John Baker writes:

He speaks of the game Wacka Wacka at Chuck E Cheese's, pictured here is a similar game Whac a Mole. You use a big mallet to beat down these little moles that keep popping up. But when you whack one, 3 more pop up. you whack those 5 more pop up. The machine is a parable of life. We whack down one conflict and another pops up. It is frustrating because we cannot get them all knocked down at the same time.
We walk around pretending we are God and have it all under control, but if we were really in control why don't we just unplug the machine!

On Saturday Night Live Chevy Chase would come on and say, " Hi I'm Chevy Chase and you are not." Can you imagine God to say " Hi I am God and you are not." Life's Healing Choices agreeing with God that He is god and we are not leads us into our first healing choice.

Matthew 5:3 Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor.

Admitting your need is what being "spiritually poor is all about.

Psalm 32:4-5 (TLB) My strength evaporated like water on a sunny day until I finally admitted all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide them.

Wisdom in Proverbs 28:13 (TEV)

You will never succeed in life if you try to hide your sins. Confess them and Give up; the God will show mercy to you.

We need to be honest & open about our weaknesses, faults and failures. Our problems are cured through admitting our weakness & a having a humble heart.

2 Corinthians 12:10 (MSG) I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become!

The Bible clearly passes the message that in admitting my weakness I will find strength.

• I admit that I am powerless to change my past
• I admit that I am powerless to control other people
• I admit that I am powerless to cope with my harmful habits, behaviors and actions

James 4:6

God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble

Having a humble heart:

• What needs changing in your life?
• What hurt hangup, or habit have you been trying to ignore?

Choosing to admit that you cannot do it alone and that you need God is the first & hardest choice.

I have a problem, I need help. I am depressed, I am full of anxiety, hurt, resentment, my anger is out of control, I am codependent and I have a lack of boundaries. God, I am tired of living this way and using the coping strategies that I am currently using. I am without the ability to forgive, let go, and be happy on my own. I am powerless to manage all this and my life on my own.

I am on the road to healing!

Life's healing choices states that admitting my hurts, habits and hang-ups is just the beginning.

To implement this choice and the other 7 choices I need to:

1. Pray about it
2. Write about it
3. Share about it

The above steps is where the change happens. These interactive steps are my pathway to healing.

I am making the choice to complete them!

God's Promises

Isaiah 57:18-19 I have seen what they do, but I will heal them anyway! I will lead them and help them. I will comfort those who mourn, bringing words of praise to their lips. May they have abundant peace, both near and far,”says the Lord, who heals them.

The 5 Promises God extends:

1. If you are hurt, God says, "I will heal you."
   
2. If you are confused or lost, God says' "I will lead you."
3. If you feel helpless, God says, "I will help you."
4. If you feel alone, God says' " I will comfort you."
   
5. If you feel anxious and afraid, God says, "I will offer peace to you."

Trusting in His promises, we find hope for a better future - a life of freedom, peace and happiness.

* This was found on page 2 of John Baker's book Life's Healing Choices

A CR Introduction of Myself

Hi, my name is ______________ ( for blogging purposes I am not sharing this). I am a believer in Jesus Christ and I am in recovery for depression, anxiety, issues with anger, struggles with boundaries and codependency.

Celebrate Recovery

Are life's struggles weighing you down?
Are your past failures holding you back?
What are you running from?

Wether it is drug abuse, addiction, alcoholism, depression, unworthiness, perfectionism, people pleasing, insecurity, sexual addiction, lies, abuse, eating disorders, cancer, loss, anger, anxiety, divorce, materialism ...

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO RUN OR HIDE ANYMORE!!!!

Break Free from the chains!

You Are Not Alone!



Grace, Forgiveness, Love, Mercy, Healing, Hope, Freedom, Joy, Support

Celebrate Recovery - a safe place to recover from life's Habits, Hurts and Hang- Ups through a Christ- Centered 12 step recovery program. Click here to find a group near you.

Current life's struggles are weighing me down, past failures are holding me back. I am running from depression, unworthiness, perfectionism, people pleasing, insecurity, lies, abuse, loss, anger, anxiety, divorce, materialism and various other skeletons in my closet.

But I do not want to run anymore because I am starting to fall. I am a mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend ... I cannot fall anymore! Above all else I am a Christian. I am ready for these chains to be broken.

I am beginning my celebration of recovery. I am attending Celebrate Recovery this week for the first time. As a writer I began this blog to share my process with you. I pray that others will follow in support and I pray that others will come to find that they are ready for their chains to be broken too!

Feel free to pray, comment, subscribe and e-mail (mycelebrationofrecovery@yahoo.com)