Todays Gratitude Journal

1. I am grateful that my husband is a great father to his children
2. I am grateful that my husband is a great step father to my children
3. I am grateful for my pajamas
4. I am grateful ......

This is really hard for me today.. yesterday was such a mess! I blew up.. I lost control and then I crashed. I need to go to sleep.

The Steps I Took

a cute poem I found online this evening.....

Step One, and I began to moan, I cannot do this on my own.

Then took Step Two, began to pray, “Restore me God, I ask today.”

I took Step Three, gave up my will. Just maybe God will love me still.

Step Four, I am not off the hook. A searching, careful, honest look.

And on the Fifth, I said aloud, “I’ve done some harm, and I’m not proud.”

I took Step Six, and got prepared to be set free, yet I was scared.

Asked God on Seven: “Take them away, all my defects, this I pray.”

And on the Eighth, the list was long, recognizing all the wrong.

I took Step Nine, put down my pride. Made amends, no time to hide.

Step Ten, each day I cannot slack, I pray to God, “Keep me on track.”

On Eleven, I seek to know: God’s will each day, which way to go.

Step Twelve, it is New Life indeed. I’ll spread the Word to those in need.

~Anonymous

Daily Inventory

I learned of the Daily Inventory this evening at CR and I was intrigued by the offerings it had to my recovery. I am going to begin to complete a review of my day each evening. Statistic shows that a relapse happens 2 weeks to a month before the actual relapse. It begins emotionally in the mind. I know that my anger and my anxiety have triggers (my depression and other issues may also).

In my journaling I am in hopes that I can see the triggers before I have a major meltdown or blowup. Or if I miss them I can look back and see if there are other issues. (Just a thought) Besides I will be doing it later on anyway...

• Things I did well today :
  
  I attended CR this evening and participated in group
  
  
• Things I messed up today:
  
  I snapped at my children to quickly when they were not listening. I believe they were at fault however my full fledged yelling (that upset them) was not the punishment that was equal to the wrong doing
  
  
• This is how I responded
  
  I have just began this inventory and I have not been able to respond to my mess up promptly today. However I will intentionally discuss this with the children tomorrow morning and let them know that I am sorry and that I was wrong in yelling at them when I did.

Note: I need to remember that I need to count to 10 for me, not for them to do what they are told!

Todays Gratitude Journal

1. I am grateful for the bowl of Ice Cream I am going to eat
2. I am grateful for the safe place I have to share my thoughts at CR
3. I am grateful for those who took a moment to talk with me tonight
4. I am grateful for my Gratitude Journal - When the moments are turning grey I can come to them to remind me of what is good and not all is bad even tho at times it seems like it
5. I am grateful for the peace that Jesus offers us (I pray that I may receive it, in Jesus name)

Tenth Avenue North's "Healing Begins"

Click here to see the video journal of where the healing begins.

So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside

So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now

This is where the healing begins oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear

So let it fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
We're here now oh

This is where the healing begins oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us

This is where the healing begins oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

This is where the Healing Begins

Tenth Avenue North's lead singer Mike Donehey speaks of what the healing is in one of my favorite songs Healing Begins

Choice #1- Choosing reality & admitting your need

Realize I am not God. I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable.

• I cannot do it all
• I cannot do any of it alone
• I am powerless to control

Proverbs 14:12 There is a way that seems right to a man but in the end it leads to death.

John Baker states in Life's Healing Choices that this verse lets us know we cannot trust our human nature to lead us out of our problems. Left on its own our sin nature will tend to do wrong desire to be God and try to play God.

Paul states exactly how I feel in Romans 7:15-17:

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.

Romans 7:21-23

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.

Even David felt it too in Psalms 32:3

When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long

The book illustrates this frustration very well on page 19 John Baker writes:

He speaks of the game Wacka Wacka at Chuck E Cheese's, pictured here is a similar game Whac a Mole. You use a big mallet to beat down these little moles that keep popping up. But when you whack one, 3 more pop up. you whack those 5 more pop up. The machine is a parable of life. We whack down one conflict and another pops up. It is frustrating because we cannot get them all knocked down at the same time.
We walk around pretending we are God and have it all under control, but if we were really in control why don't we just unplug the machine!

On Saturday Night Live Chevy Chase would come on and say, " Hi I'm Chevy Chase and you are not." Can you imagine God to say " Hi I am God and you are not." Life's Healing Choices agreeing with God that He is god and we are not leads us into our first healing choice.

Matthew 5:3 Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor.

Admitting your need is what being "spiritually poor is all about.

Psalm 32:4-5 (TLB) My strength evaporated like water on a sunny day until I finally admitted all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide them.

Wisdom in Proverbs 28:13 (TEV)

You will never succeed in life if you try to hide your sins. Confess them and Give up; the God will show mercy to you.

We need to be honest & open about our weaknesses, faults and failures. Our problems are cured through admitting our weakness & a having a humble heart.

2 Corinthians 12:10 (MSG) I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become!

The Bible clearly passes the message that in admitting my weakness I will find strength.

• I admit that I am powerless to change my past
• I admit that I am powerless to control other people
• I admit that I am powerless to cope with my harmful habits, behaviors and actions

James 4:6

God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble

Having a humble heart:

• What needs changing in your life?
• What hurt hangup, or habit have you been trying to ignore?

Choosing to admit that you cannot do it alone and that you need God is the first & hardest choice.

I have a problem, I need help. I am depressed, I am full of anxiety, hurt, resentment, my anger is out of control, I am codependent and I have a lack of boundaries. God, I am tired of living this way and using the coping strategies that I am currently using. I am without the ability to forgive, let go, and be happy on my own. I am powerless to manage all this and my life on my own.

I am on the road to healing!

Life's healing choices states that admitting my hurts, habits and hang-ups is just the beginning.

To implement this choice and the other 7 choices I need to:

1. Pray about it
2. Write about it
3. Share about it

The above steps is where the change happens. These interactive steps are my pathway to healing.

I am making the choice to complete them!

The choices to heal your life

Jesus 8 principles based on the Beatitudes for healing and happiness are the basis for the 8 choices in the book Life's Healing choices by John Baker.

Realize I'm not God; I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and my life is unmanageable. (Choice 1)

"Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor"

We do not have the power to control our hurts, habits and hang ups on our own. When we can admit this God can begin his healing work in our lives.

Earnestly believe that God exists, that I matter to him, and that he has the power to help me recover.

"Happy are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted"

We are important to God, we find great comfort in knowing that He has the power to change us and our situation.

Consciously choose to commit all my life and will to Christ's care and control.

"Happy are the meek"

We commit our lives to Christ, we become a new person. We can finally give up trying to control ourselves and others. We replace our willpower with our willingness to accept God's power.

Openly examine and confess my faults to God, to myself, and to someone I trust.

"Happy are the pure in heart"

We need to admit all the wrongs of our past and present. We do this by writing it all down and sharing it with another person in order to have a clear conscience, in order to deal with our guilt and have a pure heart.

Voluntarily submit to every change God wants to make in my life and humbly ask Him to remove my character defects.

"Happy are those whose greatest desire is to do what God requires"

We submit to all the changes God wants us to make in our lives and we humbly ask Him to go to work in our lives to bring about the needed changes.

Evaluate all my relationships; Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me and make amends for harm I've done to others except when to do so would harm them or others.

"Happy are the merciful" "Happy are the peacemakers"

We do our best to restore our relationships. We offer forgiveness to the people who have hurt us, and make amends to the people we have hurt.

Reserve a daily time with God for self examination, Bible readings and prayer in order to know God and His will for my life and to gain the power to follow His will.

We maintain these daily habits of spending time with God in order to keep our recovery on track.

Yield myself to God to be used to bring this Good News to others, both by my example and by my words.

"Happy are those who are persecuted because they do what God requires"

We have found freedom from our hurts, hangups and habits through God's grace and living these eight principles. Now that we have been changed by God we yield ourselves to be used by Him as we share our story and serve others.

God's Promises

Isaiah 57:18-19 I have seen what they do, but I will heal them anyway! I will lead them and help them. I will comfort those who mourn, bringing words of praise to their lips. May they have abundant peace, both near and far,”says the Lord, who heals them.

The 5 Promises God extends:

1. If you are hurt, God says, "I will heal you."
   
2. If you are confused or lost, God says' "I will lead you."
3. If you feel helpless, God says, "I will help you."
4. If you feel alone, God says' " I will comfort you."
   
5. If you feel anxious and afraid, God says, "I will offer peace to you."

Trusting in His promises, we find hope for a better future - a life of freedom, peace and happiness.

* This was found on page 2 of John Baker's book Life's Healing Choices

Gratitude for Today

Every day when I share my Gratitude Journal I begin to get the following song stuck in my head.......

Thankfulness Song (Album Version) by VeggieTales (Veggie Tunes)

The Thankfulness Song

Annie: I thank God for this day,
For the sun in the sky,
For my mom and my dad,
For my piece of apple pie!
For our home on the ground
For His love that's all around
That's why I say thanks everyday!

Because a thankful heart is a happy heart!
I'm glad for what I have,
That's an easy way to start!
For the love that He shares,
'Cuz He listens to my prayers,
That's why I say thanks everyday!

Junior: Thank you Dad for our day,
For our trip to the mall,
For the time just with me,
For my big red bouncy ball!
For the fun that we had,
I'm so happy you're my dad,
That's why I say thanks everyday!

Junior's Dad: Because a thankful heart is a happy heart!

Junior: I'm glad for what I have,
That's an easy way to start!

Junior's Dad: For a God who really cares

Junior: And He listens to our prayers,
That's why I say thanks everyday!

Both: That's why we say thanks everyday!


Words and Music by Phil Vischer

1. I am grateful for my wonderful husband who also cooks very well
2. I am grateful for the wonderful teachers my children had this year in school
3. I am grateful for great resources like the book Life's Healing Choices
4. I am grateful for songs like Healing Begin by Tenth Avenue North
5. I am grateful for God's grace

Gratitude Journal June 14th & 15th

1. I am grateful for sleeping - and extra sleep
2. I am grateful for blowing kisses - my little girl of 1 years blew me a kiss for the first time yesterday
3. I am grateful for Christian music on the radio to keep me going and getting the kids off to the bus stop
4. I am grateful for the YMCA where my husband & children can go play & run so I can have some peace & quiet at home
5. I am grateful for being able to share Jesus with my children and teaching them lessons of gratitude & forgiveness

Steps in using the Serenity Prayer in everyday life

Step 1

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference”.

Step 2

Start with the identification of what problems you are experiencing.

Step 3

Categorize problem(s) into “Things I can change” and “Things I cannot change”

Step 4

Accept the things I cannot change: There are many things we cannot change, such as past behaviors or decisions. Accepting them for what they are may be difficult but necessary. Ex. If you made a bad decision, you cannot go back in time to change it, you will have to accept it.

Step 5

Accepting it means you acknowledge the mistake and take responsibility for that action. Then you accept that it is done and cannot change the action but can try to move past this error by correcting the consequences that are occurring now or will occur. Or simply work on being better for that day.

Step 6

Note: If it does relate to addiction, as in the 12 step program, it is an acceptance that using caused significant problems and the acceptance of the consequences that occurred because of the use.

Step 7

Courage to change the things I can (change): You may not be able to change the past, but you can change what you do in the future. ex. If you over spent on an item or an activity-you cannot go back and change this decision, but you can budget to compensate or take on an extra shift, etc.

Step 8

Courage to change helps to redirect energy onto what to do with your situation, instead of worrying on what happened. Many people become consumed with negative feelings and feel helpless with their situation. This statement asks for strength to make the necessary changes.

Step 9

In order to make changes, identify what can be changed and create a plan on how you will make this change. Plan needs to be very specific in action and time frame. (you can always go back and edit plan if necessary)

Step 10

Courage to know the difference: This is the key. Do not waste time over the things that are already done. You can be sad, sorry, make amends, but focus your energy on what you want to change and how you are going to complete that task.

Gratitude Journal for Today

1. I am grateful for my husband who helped me around the house
2. I am grateful for my church family
3. I am grateful for my pastor
4. I am grateful for the nice & helpful pharmacist at Target
5. I am grateful for Velveeta Shells & Cheese (great comfort food)